9 1/2 Months Out & Down 136 lbs... (written on 04/28/09)

Every day I continue to be amazed at how drastically my life has changed in such a short period of time. While Gastric Bypass Surgery has not solved every challenge in my life, it has truly given me my life back in so many ways. If I had to sum up in one word why I’m grateful to have gone through this experience, it would be HOPE.

I can remember a time in my life while I was suffering with tremendous back pain, as well as obesity, when I literally felt I had no hope for my future. It was all I could do to just make it through the day, let alone dream of what the future might hold... I truly could not see a light at the end of the tunnel when I would be able to go through a day without significant pain, without feeling low self worth because I couldn’t seem to lose weight and keep it off, or even consider the possibility of having the children that both my husband and I desperately wanted. When you get into this cycle of hurting, depression, and inability to exercise to make the first two better, life sometimes does feel hopeless. It has taken many years, a back surgery, gallbladder surgery, therapy, and gastric bypass surgery, for me to get to the place I am now, but I truly am grateful for these experiences, because I have been slowly refined and conquered obstacles that I once thought to be insurmountable.

When I stop and think about all of the positive changes that have taken place since beginning this journey, it compounds my gratitude for life, and increases my hope for a better, richer future. This is just a small sample of the many lessons I’ve learned, and milestones I’ve achieved, over the past 9+ months:

• I have confidence that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to
• I truly appreciate what feeling healthy means
• I no longer feel hungry all the time
• I want to experience life to the fullest
• I now have the ability to exercise, where I physically could not before losing this weight
• I feel more mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy
• I live relatively pain free now, which was something I once only dreamed of
• I am no longer ashamed of my appearance
• I’m not afraid to be photographed anymore – in fact, I kind of enjoy it!
• I no longer worry that I won’t fit into a booth at a restaurant, or that I’ll break a chair because of my weight
• I no longer have to use the handicapped stall in a public restroom because I can now fit in a “normal” stall
• I no longer have to ask for a seat belt extender on an airplane, or worry that I won’t fit into my seat without infringing upon the space of the person next to me
• I can fit on amusement park rides without fear that I will be asked to exit the ride, as other guests watch my humiliation
• I can sleep at night without a CPAP machine
• I can cross my legs again
• I can sing better. My lung capacity has increased, and I’m able to support my breathing better.
• I can sit on the ground or get back up without my knees and legs being in excruciating pain
• I can go shopping and not be so concerned about getting the closest parking spot, because I can now make the walk more easily
• I no longer have to take medication for acid reflux, PCOS, or chronic pain
• I can now walk a flight (or more) of stairs and not think twice about being out of breath
• I now have a slender neck, only one chin, and can see my collar bone!
• I am now able to buy clothes in more of the normal size clothing stores. I currently wear a 14/16, rather than a 34/36 or a 5X.
• I have severed all ties with my larger sized clothes, because I know I will never need them again! (No more hanging on to them “just in case”…)
• I can walk with my head held high because I have more confidence and self-worth. I deserve to be healthy, happy and successful, and there is no one who can make me feel otherwise.

If there is anyone reading this who wonders if weight loss surgery is right for them, I would offer the following advice:

• Make sure that you are willing and ready to make both the physical and emotional changes that are necessary for your long-term success. This is not a decision to be made lightly.
• Follow your doctor’s advice implicitly, and invest the time in learning everything you can before having surgery. Do your homework!
• Never stay too far away from personal accountability. Go to regular support group meetings, and surround yourself with people who are willing to walk along-side you through this journey. It is not an easy one, but it is definitely worth the investment in yourself.
• Know that you will likely need to participate in more than just monthly support group meetings. Going to counseling does not make you “less than” anyone else – It just means you need a little more refining to become the person you know you were always meant to be.
• This surgery is a tool – not a cure. Be willing to use this tool to attain your long term health goals, then work hard to maintain your success.

Why Weight Loss Surgery is Not the Easy Way Out... (written on 04/14/09)

I decided to write this, because I know there are many critics out there who would strongly argue that a person who undergoes weight loss surgery is taking the easy way out. I ABSOLUTELY beg to differ...

Why Weight Loss Surgery is Not the Easy Way Out…

Many people who have never struggled with morbid obesity cannot know the every-day battle of someone who has lived with this problem their entire life. This decision is not to be made lightly, and is generally the LAST resort after a lifetime of failed dieting attempts. When a person commits to undergoing Gastric Bypass surgery, here is what they are also committing to:

• The possibility of blood clots, following surgery
• The possibility of a stricture, or narrowing of the esophagus, where the smaller stomach pouch is newly attached to it. This would mean that food or water would not go down, causing a number of problems, including severe vomiting and dehydration. The patient would have to be readmitted to the hospital for a procedure to widen the esophagus with a balloon.
• Rapid weight loss often leads to gall stones, which means the gallbladder would likely need to be removed in the future, if it hadn’t been already.
• Extreme hair loss (I lost more than half of my hair within a 3 month period)
• Mal-absorption of food and vitamins. The gastric bypass surgery patient must take extra vitamins and supplements every day for the rest of their life. (They would no longer be able to absorb enough nutrients simply from the foods they eat.) Not doing so would cause osteoporosis and a multitude of other potential long term health risks.
• Portion sizes of 6 – 8 oz. at every meal (maximum) for life. (Right after surgery, this amount is only 2 oz. (4 tablespoons), because the stomach pouch is reduced to the size of an egg.)
• The very food they love the most will literally make them sick. (This includes sugar, fatty/fried foods, or anything with a higher concentration of carbohydrates, like pasta, rice, bread, etc.) "Dumping syndrome" does not occur in every person, but for those it does, this involves about 4 hours of being violently ill, severe stomach cramps, vomiting, diarrhea, dizziness, dehydration, etc. This can also happen if a person overeats. (Not a pleasant experience!)
• Certain foods may never agree with you again. Dryer meats (usually chicken, turkey or fish) may get “stuck” in the stomach pouch, causing extreme pain or vomiting.
• Chewing every single bite of food until it’s mushy before swallowing. Failure to do so would likely cause food to get “stuck”, causing extreme pain or vomiting.
• NEVER drinking soda or carbonated beverages again. Doing so would stretch out the new stomach pouch and cause increased capacity to overeat again.
• Never again drinking liquid of any kind with meals. To do so would cause dumping syndrome or fill up the stomach pouch too quickly, leaving no room for food. Food and water must always be timed approximately 30 minutes apart.

For a person to get to the point of considering weight loss surgery, here are some of the things they might painfully struggle with (sometimes every day):

• Severe health complications, sometimes including Diabetes, Heart Disease, Sleep Apnea, High Blood Pressure, poor circulation, painful swelling in the feet, legs and ankles, etc.
• Infertility for many women
• Constant joint and back pain
• No energy or strength to move, let alone exercise…
• Always feeling like they’re out of breath
• Not being able to climb stairs without hyperventilating
• Not being able to fit in an airplane seat
• If they could fit in an airplane seat, they would still have to ask for an “extender belt”, hoping nobody would notice
• Not being able to fit in a booth at a restaurant, or being afraid that any chair they sit on might snap under their extreme weight.
• Not being able to fit in a regular bathroom stall, so they have to use the handicapped stall.
• Being kicked off rides at amusement parks, because they don’t fit
• Having to pay more for larger sized clothing because they can’t shop in a regular clothing store
• Facing constant discrimination from society
• Having difficulty finding employment
• Severe depression, anxiety and low self-esteem, after failure upon failure with dieting
• Feeling less accepted than a “normal” person
• Waking up every day, feeling ugly, worthless, and disgusted with what is staring back at them in the mirror

I challenge anyone who has never lived with these struggles and feelings to ask themselves if they would CHOOSE to live or feel this way…

Food addictions are just as powerful, if not more so, than addictions to drugs, alcohol or cigarettes. Someone who battles with a substance abuse problem can walk away from their drug of choice forever, and never need that substance again to physically survive. Food, on the other hand, is something you cannot live without. How does someone with an addiction of this nature learn to come to terms with it, while still needing the thing that challenges them the most, to survive?

Here are a few thoughts to consider…

• Very few health insurance companies in the state of Utah cover bariatric surgery, yet the rate of obesity continues to climb. I’m encouraged that SelectHealth is now covering a portion of this cost, for those who meet certain criteria.
  
• Individuals who choose to smoke their entire life may eventually suffer from lung cancer. When this happens, will their health insurance company refuse to treat them because of the choices they made that led them to that point?
  
• Individuals who choose to abuse alcohol their entire life may eventually need a liver transplant. When this happens, will their health insurance company refuse to consider them for a transplant because of the choices they made that led them to that point?
  
• Gastric bypass surgery is almost an instant cure for Diabetes, and drastically reduces the devastating effects of so many other co-morbidities in a very short period of time. By covering the cost of this one procedure, the lifetime savings for treating Diabetes, Heart Disease, Stroke, and many others, including several forms of cancer, would seem very minimal in comparison. (The total cost out-of-pocket for my surgery was $18,475.) Why, then, should someone who struggles with Obesity, who has tried and failed time and time again to lose weight, be denied this medically necessary treatment?

Easter With My Family

This "lamby cake" is a family tradition.

I inherited this cake mold after my grandmother passed away 3 years ago, and tried to carry on the family tradition. Unfortunately, it later became the "sacrificial lamb", as you'll see in the next picture, when we went to cut it! It isn't so much that it's fun to eat, but it brings back wonderful memories of my "Memaw" just to have it there. It's a great feeling to be in control of a situation where food could easily be a huge problem, but be able to exercise moderation. This is one of the greatest lessons I've learned on my journey so far. Our social gatherings still revolve around food, as do many other families, but it's nice to be able to enjoy the company and conversations more than I ever used to.

April 8, 2009 Support Group Meeting Notes

Speaker: Jessica Wolfinger, LCSW (specializes in food and cross additions)

"What Causes Compulsive Overeating?"

Discussion Points

• At some point in your life, you discovered that food did something for you (like you hit the “JACKPOT”).
• After weight loss surgery, your old brain can no longer determine what is a positive or negative jackpot (the old brain and new brain don’t communicate well).
• This is the very nature of addiction – Once that jackpot is in your brain, it is very difficult to get rid of. (There has to be something EXTREMELY compelling to change it.)
• Every time you experience something in your “Quality World” that makes you feel good, it erases the pain and negative self image momentarily.
• 90% of people fail with overcoming both food and drug additions.
• It takes a very long time for reality to set in – for you to recognize the true nature of a problem. Jessica related this to the battered wife who takes somewhere between 12 – 18 incidents to actually leave.
• Support groups work because when you take away one thing, you have to replace it with something else that is positive. Remember that you are ALWAYS going to be in recovery.
• Book – “Intuitive Eating” offers a radical perspective on weight loss.
• We have to figure out how to master our food addiction while still having to eat.
• Learn to take judgement away from food. Do not shame yourself when you slip up – this will cause more harm than good.
• Allow yourself permission to enjoy some of your favorites once in a while
• WEIGHT DOES NOT EQUAL WORTH

Why do we naturally tend to gravitate toward sugar and carbs?

• Your body is constantly trying to be in a state of homeostasis. Higher amounts of sugar and carbs are naturally the way your body gets there. This is a type of built-in survival mechanism.
• Sugar and carbs are NOT terrible for you in small amounts.

Plateaus

• These are normal, and a very necessary part of the weight loss process.
• Sometimes your body just needs to sit and take a break for a while!

Something to Think About…

• Define what it meant to be the fat girl.
• Define what “thin” is to you.
• Do you want to be defined by your weight?
• Figure out how you want to be defined as a person, and allow it to happen.

At some point, you are going to have to become "at peace" with food.

• The easiest way to change a behavior is to change the stimulus. (Find something to relieve the stress.)
  o Physiology
  o Thoughts
  o Feelings
  o Actions
• Most cravings only last 3 – 5 minutes. Choose something simple to distract your attention for those few minutes, until the craving subsides.
• If you can change the action, you can change the behavior.
• Learn how to get out of your mind and into your body (distract the thought by physically doing something).

Why people are resistant to change…

Change Cycle

The biggest predictor for failure is the feeling of hopelessness. Be very cautious that you never allow yourself to get there.

My 8 Month "Surgiversary" Pictures & Erwin's Birthday (3/28)

8 Months Post-Op & Down 132 lbs. Things are slowing way down, which means I really need to start exercising more. I'm grateful that Spring is on its way, and I can get outside again and go walking with Cody...

We went to Erwin's favorite local Salvadoran restaurant for his 38th birthday. You can tell he really enjoys his pupusas and tamales! (They really are delicious, but I enjoy just a couple of bites, and that's enough.)

My Brother Dan's Article in the Mar/Apr 2009 OH Magazine

ANYTHING Is Possible

When we consider all the roads we walk through in life, how do we determine which roads are the most important to travel down? Also, are we always able to choose the roads we traverse? There are roads that lead to successful careers, families, and health, and there are roads that lead to trials, pain, and failure. At any given time we can make choices to experience any and all of these; at other times, events or situations occur that force us down paths that we may or may not want to encounter. How we survive or conquer these triumphs and failures can be summed up in a single word… character! I will relate a short story that sums up this truth.

There once was a wise Indian chief who had a young, inquisitive daughter. The young daughtersat down with her father and recounted a repetitive dream she had been having. In the dream, there were always two wild wolves that fought. In the young girl’s dream, the fighting was so bitter that she never stayed asleep long enough to see who won. She also stated that one wolf was good and the other was bad. This is how the wise chief interpreted her dream: “Within each of us there lives two wolves. One represents peace, joy, happiness, and love; the other represents doubt, fear, hate, misery and selfishness. Each day these wolves fight within us.” Then the young girl asked a simple, yet poignant question. She asked, “Which wolf will win the fight?” The wise chief’s answer was short and simple. The reply was, “Whichever wolf you feed the most.” I preface my thoughts with this story because the road I decided to take that led away from obesity to a healthier, more fulfilling life, was more about the “wolves” that I fed within me, rather than the foodthat I put in my mouth.

When I was in high school, I remember a sign that was displayed in one of my teacher’s classrooms. It read, “Character is what you do when nobody is watching.” As I think about this truism, I digress back to my “character” as a morbidly obese man weighing 400 pounds less than a year ago. As an obese man, here is what I would do when no one was looking:

I would order two meals at a drive-thru and order an extra drink that I didn’t need, just to make it appear that the second meal was for someone else. I would completely shirk all chores and caring for our kids because I had no energy to move. I would be consumed with thoughts that I was a failure and was worthless. In retrospect, the only thing I did when nobody was watching was eat and feel terrible on the inside. Every week I would try to convince myself that Monday was right around the corner and I would start my diet then. Well, between the time I was 17 years old, standing 6’2” tall and weighing 215 pounds, to the day less than a year ago when I weighed 400 pounds at 33 years old, 832 Mondays came and went, and less than 32 of those Mondays were days where I was actually dieting. I believe I ate for comfort, I ate because I absolutely loved food, but most of all, I would eat because that’s what I did best. My daily caloric intake was somewhere between 5000 - 6000 calories with little to no daily exercise or physicalactivity and my 56 inch waist and size 5XL were proof enough.

I honestly believe the mental and emotional anguish that accompanies obesity is far more difficult to deal with than the co-morbidities and physical downsides to being obese. Anyone can take a blood pressure pill, diabetes pill, or cholesterol medication in the privacy of their own home. Also, those who suffer from sleep apnea can wear a CPAP machine without anyone ever knowing about it. But, there is no hiding obesity and this fact continually lowered my self-esteem. A few years back, I went into a colleague’s office to seek his advice on a matter. I was invited to sit down and instantly snapped his chair in two, then fell to the floor. I work with the youth at church and accompanied 40 kids, along with other adult leaders, to an amusement park as an outing, where I was kicked off every ride because I did not fit. I remember going to a clothing store to buy a suit, and when they told me they no longer carried a size that would fit me, and that a size 22 dress shirt no longer fit, I hit an emotional low. Having to deal with the fact that I had to buy a bigger, more expensive car than I wanted and could afford because I did not fit into “regular” size cars weighed heavily on me. Beyond all of these things, the day my wife told me she felt like a single mom because I had no energy and ambition to help out with the kids, is the day I really had to question what road I was taking in my life. If I wanted to eat myself into a grave, that’s fine, but when I have a wife and two wonderful kids depending on me, I needed to choose a better road. As much as I loved food, the reality was that I loved my family so much more, and I needed to prove it.

Realizing that I had failed at every diet attempt I ever undertook, I needed a more permanent solution than just a “fad.” My older brother, Jeff, enjoyed great success with gastric bypass surgery a couple of years ago - an option I really hadn’t considered until I was hit between my eyes with reality. I did some research on the surgery and different surgeons in my area, and out of curiosity, attended a Bariatric Surgery Symposium, conducted by Dr. David Kim. His approach to weight loss surgery was so positive and reassuring; I immediately made the decision that he was the doctor I would entrust my life with. His pre-op and post-op protocol far surpasses what I have heard is the “norm” in the world of bariatric surgery, and I really appreciated the fact that he did not pressure me or persuade me into having one particular surgery over another. I made the decision to have laparoscopic gastric bypass surgery after also considering vertical sleeve gastrectomy, lapband, and duodenal switch, and on January 14, 2008, had my surgery completed.

I consider January 14th the day I was given a second shot at living life again. This has been the best decision I have ever made for my health, and I would do it over in a heartbeat, if the hands of time were turned back. Speaking of time, we will never be able to regain or relive the things we have missed out on, but we can make the decision, right now, to live life and do all those things that perhaps some people, including ourselves, never thought we would be able to do.

Now, over 1 year post-op, I have lost 195 pounds. A lot of people lose a tremendous amount of weight in a very short period of time with gastric bypass, but I guess just losing weight was not enough for me. At eight months post-op, I competed in my first Sprint Triathlon, which consisted of a 300 meter swim, 16 mile bike ride, and 3.1 mile run. A month later, I competed in another triathlon and improved my time by more than 20 minutes. I ran a 5K and 10K on Thanksgiving morning, and on my exact 11 month surgery anniversary, completed a 26.2 mile Marathon in well under 5 hours. I work out six days a week and swim 8-10 miles, cycle 125-150 miles, and run 40-50 miles each week. I am currently registered for another 26.2 mile marathon, 4 x 70.3 mile Half Iron man Triathlons, and a full 140.6 mile Iron man in August 2009. An Iron man consists of a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile ride, followed by a 26.2 mile run… Finish in under 17 hours, and you earn the right to be called an Iron man. A full day of pain and struggle, leads to a lifetime of pride and sense of accomplishment. With all of my training and hours spent away from my family in the early hours of the mornings and weekends, many people, including my wife, have asked me why I do all of this. To her, my friends, and to you, I give you the answer. BECAUSE I CAN! I would never have had gastric bypass surgery unless I believed I could successfully lose weight. I would never register for a marathon or triathlon unless I believed I could finish. I will never doubt myself again! The most liberating thing that I have experienced as a result of weight loss surgery is a sense of empowerment and a firm belief that I, and anyone, CAN accomplish anything we set our minds to, so long as we put in the effort and make the conscious decision to change our lifestyles forever!

A wise man once told me that whether I believe I could or could not do something, I was right. My message to you, my friends, my family, and all those considering weight loss surgery, is to truly believe that anything is possible. I am living proof that someone can go from 400 pounds to what is considered an elite athlete in less than a year. Always remember, character IS what you do when no one is watching. In life there are three types of people… There are people who make things happen, there are those who watch things happen, and finally, there are those who say, “what happened?” May this be the day we all make things happen and take the necessary steps to feed the “Good Wolves“ inside of us that will eventually lead to our own success, happiness, fulfillment, peace, and a renewed sense of incredible selfworth.

-Dan Benintendi
www.trimywill.com

Very Proud Sister... (written on 03/26/09)

I've mentioned my brothers in previous posts, but I couldn't be more proud of their success and determination to walk away from obesity - it has actually become a family affair now, and I'm so glad to be a part of that as well...

If any of you receive OH magazine, please take a moment to read the article on page 45 - It features a story on my brother, Dan Benintendi. He has had such tremendous success since his RNY, and has truly been an inspiration to me and so many others. He has not only lost 200 lbs. in 14 months, but is now competing in triathlons, marathons, and will soon complete a full Iron Man this summer - it's truly remarkable... For more information, his website is http://www.trimywill.com/.

I will post another update on myself, since it is long overdue, but I wanted to give credit where credit is due. I'm so proud, and I love you, Dan. You continue to inspire me every day!!!

March 17, 2009 - St. Patrick's Day Triathlon

(14 Months Since Surgery - Down 200 lbs.)

January 13, 2008 - The Day Before Dan's Gastric Bypass Surgery

March 11, 2009 Support Group Meeting

"Disaster Diversion Cards"

Tonight we took 3 x 5 index cards and collaborated as a group to come up with ideas that will distract when the urge to eat is strong (for reasons other than hunger). The idea is that when you know it's not time for a meal and you find yourself wanting to eat, pull out one of these cards and do whatever the activity is to divert your attention from the kitchen.

February 11, 2009 Support Group Meeting (Notes)

Speaker: Leslee Miller, LCSW

• Food addiction is not something that is overcome – it is “managed”
• Learn to be “conscious” when eating
• Realize that we all have a “Dark Side”, which has the potential to sabotage
• Get a journal specific to this weight loss journey
  o Record successes
  o Record lessons learned
  o Record things that I do to sabotage my own success
• Become Friends with your “Dark Side”
  o Write down all the things you think to yourself
  o Stay open to learning about yourself ALWAYS
  o Don’t ever let yourself get very far away from accountability
  - Support group meetings
  - Weighing regularly (days when you don’t want to do this are
  the days you probably should the most)
  - Food journaling
  o No black and white thinking
  o No self-loathing
  o Relapse is to be expected
  o Be BRUTALLY honest with yourself
  o Why NOT me?
  o Changing our thinking patterns
  o Watch for transfer addictions
  o Group support
  o Stay out of denial
• “It’s OK to fall off the wagon – Just don’t fall under it!”
• Be willing to commit to doing whatever it takes to make a change
• Pay the price to be healthy and fit
• Everyone will relapse on occasion – we’re only human. Just get back on track ASAP.
• Try Yoga classes – good for the mind/body connection

Happy 36th Birthday to Me... (written on 02/08/09)

Today was such a nice day. I taught the children in Primary (the 5 year olds), and then spent a wonderful afternoon/evening with my extended family having dinner and just being together. There is nothing more important to me than my family, and I wouldn’t have wanted to spend the day any other way.

I took a few moments to just sit and reflect upon the things that have been on my mind, and the changes this coming year will bring...

• I’ve noticed that the further out I get since surgery, the more my appetite and capacity to eat have increased. They will never again be the same as they were before surgery, but now is the time for me to really start paying close attention to the difference between “needs” and “wants” and listening to my body, since I have more choices available to me than I did previously.
• Good health and really feeling “well” are worth any price. Sometimes you don’t really understand this until it’s taken away from you. Don’t ever freely give up this incredible gift.
• People are looking to me as an example – I must not let them, or especially myself, down. I have been given a second chance to really live life, and I don’t want to waste any part of it.
• My goal is DEFINITELY within reach. I will work hard this year to achieve what I know I’m capable of.
• My future family depends upon my success. Erwin and I have had to delay having children for over 13 years because of my many health issues over the years. Soon, I will be given the OK to change this family dynamic, and I am anxiously awaiting the opportunity.

Life is full of exciting adventures, and I don’t ever want to waste a single day or opportunity to make the most of them…

6 Months Out and 119 lbs. Gone Forever... (written on 01/15/09)

It's completely mind-boggling to me how the past 6 months have flown by since having my RNY, and how many positive changes I've seen with my health. What an amazing gift to have my life back, to feel like a normal person again, to be happy with the way I look and feel, and to have a new-found confidence... I am so grateful to be in this place right now, and to know that my goal is within reach - I'm 2/3 there already!

Looking back at my original list of goals, here's an update on my progress:

• Crossing my legs (Yes!)
• Shopping in a "normal" size clothing store (Almost there...)
• No swollen feet and ankles (Long gone...)
• Having a neck again! (Yes!)
• Fitting in an airplane seat and not having to ask for an extender belt (Yes!)
• Not having to worry whether or not I will fit in a booth at a restaurant (or break a chair!) (Yes!)
• Being able to fit on rides at amusement parks (Haven't been yet, but based on the airplane thing, Yes!)
• Swimming in public (Not quite yet...)
• Riding a bike (Haven't tried yet...)
• Not being out of breath all the time (Yes!)
• Ditching my CPAP machine (Yes!)

Last night I attended a support group meeting at St. Mark's Hospital where Dr. McKinlay was the speaker. We discussed reasons why we eat when we aren't hungry, which was a great subject... There were so many things that applied to me before surgery, and even fewer now, so I'm grateful for that. We also discussed how to make better choices when we do eat things that we probably shouldn't. All of the cravings that an overweight person has don't completely go away forever with surgery, so learning how to bridge the gap between making the best and worst choices was a great topic for discussion.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and one of the greatest things I've come to realize about myself is this: From a psychological standpoint, I had always been of the mindset that food and dieting for me were always "All or Nothing" - there was no gray area in between. I would either be 100% on my game, or 100% off the wagon. Either I was really focused and feeling good, or if I slipped up a bit, I had completely failed and might as well give in completely. It was almost as though I would punish myself for failing, under the guise of eating whatever I wanted, which made me happy for a moment, but ultimately left me feeling like a miserable failure... What I have finally learned is that I'm human - I do still want some of the things I shouldn't, even though my ability to eat them (thankfully) is much less than before. In those moments when I feel the urge to eat something "off my normal plan of action" in a typical day, I find myself now making better choices overall. I have come to realize that there is some middle ground between the "all or nothing" approach, and that I'm not a miserable failure if I slip up a little. The real battle in this game of weight loss is truly a mental one, and the real test is learning to retrain a lifetime of skewed thinking about food. I'm so grateful for the many lessons I'm finally learning!

Here's to another AMAZING 6 months of weight loss, self discovery, and good health...

Did I Mention That I'm Seriously Going Bald? (written on 01/06/09)

I knew the reality of significant hair loss following my RNY surgery in July was a definite possibility, but I truly didn't expect that it would be as dramatic as it has been. I started losing significant amounts of hair just before my 3 month mark following surgery. I am now almost 6 months out, and can safely say that I've lost more than half of my hair.

Every time we've vacuumed my house over the past month, my poor husband has had to completely take the vacuum apart to remove the clumps of hair that have wrapped around the rollers and burned the plastic. Each time I have washed or brushed my hair, there ended up being a huge pile of hair in the trash can. I kept thinking, how much more can I really lose without going bald???

After feeling depressed and throwing my own "pity party" while in California, I decided to chop about 5 inches off the length, in hopes that it would make things look a little healthier, and allow me to hide some of the gaping scalp that I've been seeing more and more of in the past several weeks. Realizing that it just didn't look that great still, I decided to go a bit more drastic in less than a week since my last haircut. My cousin, Heather, worked some serious magic last night, and I am feeling so much better now. I still have a very thin head of hair at the moment, but I think we've done a pretty good job of disguising it now. Here's hoping that the new stuff starts growing soon! I really don't want to have to buy a wig...

A Belated Holiday Update... (written on 01/06/09)

We definitely had a White Christmas here in Utah this year. There was somewhere in the neighborhood of 2+ feet of snow that fell on Christmas day, and my poor husband spent many hours outside with his new snow thrower. Dinner was at my house, and we had 17 people over. Parking was interesting with the piles of snow throughout the neighborhood, but Erwin did a great job of clearing a path for our guests. Despite the over-abundant downpouring, we had a wonderful visit with family and friends, and the prime rib was delicious! I must admit that I completely over-compensated for my inability to eat sugar with twice as much baking as I usually do any other year, but I made all the things my Grandma used to make at Christmas time. She's been gone nearly 3 years now, so this was my way of feeling closer to her, and reliving some of my fond memories of her. Nobody really needs those plates full of sugary goodies, but when money is tight, that is something I can do for all the people I can't afford to buy other gifts for. I suppose I'll need to come up with a healthier alternative for the coming years, but I enjoyed baking, nonetheless...

One small confession: I did sample a small bit of my goodies. Since I used to be a sugar-addict, I was hoping I would have a violent case of "dumping", so that it wouldn't be a temptation again, after the Holidays. Unfortunately, that was not the case, but I did NOT like the way my body felt afterward. I re-confirmed that it feels so much better to eat healthier, and I'm done with the sugar... I was so worried that I had gained weight over the Holidays, but somehow managed to lose another 4 pounds over the past 2 weeks, for a total of 14 pounds lost between Thanksgiving and New Year's. That's a little slower than my usual pace, but I'll take it!

(Me & Dan - January 1, 2009) The day after Christmas, I flew to California to visit with my Mom and my brother, Dan, and his family, who were visiting from Texas. I hadn't seen them in about a year, so it was wonderful to catch up with everyone. Dan has had such an amazing result since his RNY 11 months ago - he's down 195 pounds and is truly a miraculous story. He has turned his food addiction into an exercise addiction, and has already completed 2 triathlons and a full marathon in the past few months, and is scheduled for several more in the coming year, along with a full Ironman this Summer. My brother Jeff will be competing with him as well, which is also an amazing thing. Coming from a family where many of us were severely overweight or obese, I'm so proud of the accomplishments we have all made toward improving our health. I fully intend to make the most of the coming year, and commit to losing the remaining 75 - 85 pounds that will bring me to a "normal" size for the first time since high school. I can't wait to accomplish this goal!!!

My Brother, Jeff - Now a Triathlete...

July '06 Before Gastric Bypass Surgery

Appointment with Dr. McKinlay Today... (written on 12/09/08)

Today I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He seemed very pleased with my progress at almost 5 months post-op. He told me that most people lose half of what they are ultimately going to lose by about 3-4 months out. I believe I can do better though - I will do whatever it takes to lose ALL of my extra weight and be the healthy person I was meant to be.

It's kind of funny... I've had A LOT of people at work taking notice of my drastic change in size lately. I'm getting all kinds of comments, compliments and questions. I'm not really used to some of compliments I’ve gotten, so I'm not quite sure how to process it all, but I'm flattered, nonetheless.

Finally Down 100 lbs!!! (written on 12/02/08)

My body really held out and made me wait beyond my goal of losing 100 lbs. by Thanksgiving, but I'm happy to say I finally reached my first MAJOR milestone. It's such a great feeling to have accomplished this in less than 5 months - who would have thought it was possible??? I am officially MORE than half way to my final goal!!!

I have progressed from "Super Obese" to "Morbidly Obese", and now I'm just "Obese" (Who made up these terms anyway?) Either way, I'll take it!

I'll post more later in the day and give my official weekly update with the Thanksgiving festivities of last week. I've had family visiting from out of town, so I've been playing hostess and haven't had much time to sit down and write. I did have Erwin take some updated pictures of me on Thanksgiving, so I've posted those below...

Thanksgiving Day - November 27, 2008 (Down 99 lbs.)

I Can Feel My Collar Bone! (written on 11/22/08)

By NO means am I thin yet, but I just noticed that I can feel my collar bone!!! The layers of fat are melting away!!! My body must really be in a good place right now, because I have had more carbs this past week than I normally do, and I've lost 7-1/2 lbs in the last 8 days, when I was expecting a MAJOR plateu. I was at 260 lbs. for quite a while several years ago, but I sailed right past it and kept going! (260 was what I weighed when I met my husband in 1994.) The other milestone for the week was that I discovered I could finally wear my REAL wedding ring again. When I had lost a lot of weight 5 years ago, I had sized it down from a 9 to a 6-1/2. Obviously, it hasn't fit well since shortly after that. The interesting thing, though, is I wasn't expecting it to fit for another 50 lbs!!!

It's interesting how long it took to jump to a smaller size early on after this surgery, but lately, it's happening much faster. When I began this journey, I was wearing a 4/5X or 34/36. I am now wearing a 22/24, and sometimes even an 18/20, depending on the cut. Just for fun, I tried on a pair of size 20 jeans that I had tucked away quite a few years ago. Not expecting them to fit, I thought I would just see how much futher I had to go. To my surprise, they fit perfectly!!! That got me on a role, and I ended up going through BOXES of clothes. I have 3 large boxes ready to donate to D.I. (Deseret Industries), and at least that many more that I'm planning to sell on Ebay, in hopes of making a few bucks to help with Christmas expenses (and all the new clothes I keep accumulating!).

I took a bit of a stroll down memory lane, going through so many years of clothes. I am finally at a place where I'm OK getting rid of my larger sizes, because I know I will NEVER need them again. It was an amazing feeling to emotionally sever all ties with those things that I've been hanging on to for so long. I honestly feel no remorse about letting them go. I really do hope someone else can get some good use out of them, because I'm DONE with them!!! I also took a look at a few things I have always hung on to since High School, thinking someday, I'll fit into them again (but not REALLY believing it). Not that I would actually wear them, but just to know that they fit would be true satisfaction. It was amazing to me, looking at my size 9 pair of jeans, that I actually thought I was HUGE back then! I had such a distorted self-image as a teen, but what I failed to recognize was that I had a very developed woman's body and constantly compared myself to my tiny friends who took so many more years to lose that "little girl" figure. What an unfair comparison...

I am now at a point in my life where I can see beyond that, and feel so grateful every day that I have a chance to re-discover who I really am, both on the inside and on the outside. I'm learning to like my body. I don't LOVE it yet, but I truly appreciate where I am, and can see hope for a much healthier self-image that I can be comfortable with as an adult.

Back from Arizona & Down 95 lbs!!! (written on 11/18/08)

Well, my trip to AZ has come and gone, and I had a great time visiting with family and seeing my brand new niece after she was born on Saturday, Nov. 15th. Jeff & Stacy can't seem to make anything other than gorgeous babies, and Addie was no exception. I helped take care of the other kids while Mom, Dad & Grandma's were at the hospital, and did a lot of the cooking. It was so nice to take a break from work and spend some time with the people I love and don't get to see much anymore.


I did really well with my eating while I was out of town, and to my surprise when I weighed in this morning, I have lost another 5 pounds!!! I am so close to the 100 lb. mark, and have so much renewed appreciation for how good my body feels. I did NOT have to ask for a seatbelt extender on either of my flights, which was a great victory, and I now weigh less than I did when I met my husband almost 14 years ago. Clothes are much easier to find, and I don't have to worry anymore about fitting into a booth at a restaurant or a regular bathroom stall (rather than the handicapped one). I don't feel like people are staring at me anymore because of the enormous amount of space I used to occupy, and I don't feel disgusted with myself when I look in the mirror. I am now feeling proud of my accomplishments and can finally see hope for a healthy future that I can comfortably pass on to any children I may be blessed enough to have in the next few years.


Almost half-way to goal...

Pictures from Arizona - Baby Addie

90 lbs. Gone Forever!!! (written on 11/07/08)

My personal goal was to lose 100 lbs. by Christmas, but I think I may just do it by Thanksgiving!!! 90 lbs. in less than 4 months is so mind-boggling to me. I look back at my pictures from June, and think what a miserable, uncomfortable person I was. That just wan't me, and I'm thankful every day for this gift I've been given. I'm starting to look more on the outside like I feel on the inside, and it's a wonderful thing...

Next week I will be flying to Arizona to be with my brother Jeff's family when their 4th baby is born. Not only am I looking forward to visiting with my family, but I will also enjoy not having to ask for a seat belt extender this time, or feeling embarrased that I'm hanging over into the seat next to me on some poor stranger! (One of those small victories...)

Small Victories... (written on 11/04/08)

Well... I survived my first Halloween without the sweets that usually come with such an occasion. I must admit, though, I was VERY tempted to sneak a bite of some of the goodies I was passing out to the Trick-or-Treaters. I even went so far as to read the nutrition information to see which one was the least "bad" for me... I think this was the most difficult day I've had since my surgery, in terms of testing my will-power. I decided in my moment of weakness to read my brothers' blogs on OH, and I'm so glad I did. They are both such an inspiration to me, and they are the reason I did not cross that line. I even got up the next morning and did 2 miles on my treadmill, which was the most I've done in a single stretch. I figured if Jeff could do his first triathlon on Saturday, I could give my personal best so far.

I have 2 younger brothers, both of whom have had RNY. Jeff is one year younger than me, and had his surgery in July of '06 (jeff B. on my friends list). Dan is two years younger than me, and had his surgery in January of this year (dancbjammin on my friends list). The thing I find so amazing about them is their commitments to change their lives. They are both now triathletes and are training to do a full Iron-Man together next year. Dan is scheduled to be featured in OH Magazine in the Feb/Mar '09 issue - if you read his blog, you will truly be inspired. Having gone from 400 to 220 lbs. in 10 months, with 2 triathlons already under his belt, and training for a full Marathon in December, I think he is one of the greatest success stories I've ever encountered. He may be my baby brother, but he is truly a giant, and I couldn't be more proud.

So... in my temporary moments of weakness, I have come to look up to my younger brothers for strength and wisdom. I hope to have even half the success they do in becoming a healthy person, both mentally and physically.

3-1/2 Months Out and a Few Thoughts on Life... (written on 10/28/08)

I am now down 86 pounds, and can't quite believe how fast this has all happened. While I still want to lose another 100+ lbs., I feel such a change in my body, my energy level, my ability and desire to get out and live life, and my confidence level. I have lost a large amount of weight once before, but not with the knowledge that it could actually be a permanent change with a level of success that can physically and mentally be maintained long-term. I have always doubted my ability to succeed in this area, but with the restrictions of RNY, it IS possible to get full on a very small amount of food and actually have the ability to stop and be satisfied with that amount. I suppose there are ways to sabotage this over the long term, but why would anyone want to? It would really take a lot of work (at least from my current perspective), and I am thankful every day, especially when I have moments of weakness, that my body really lets me know what is healthy and what is not. It takes all of the guess work out of it, and keeps you honest with yourself.

I hope years from now, I still have the same feelings of fullness and satiety that I enjoy right now. I need this tool to work for a lifetime, so I can continue to enjoy knowing what being healthy feels like. I want to be a good example to my future children, so that they never have to experience the pain of being obese. I hope one day, my husband will follow my example of healthier eating, and that I can show my family by example what that means. The real challenge will be getting rid of a lifetime of unhealthy thoughts and habits, but I'm confident that I will succeed...

Yahooooooo.... Down 80 lbs! (written on (10/18/08)

I had a couple of really slow weeks, then all of a sudden, my body decided to kick back into gear, and I've lost 5 lbs. over the last 2 days. I love that! I've been wanting to post some new pictures, but my computer with PhotoShop decided to take a nose dive, and the hard drive crashed the other day. As soon as it's up and working again, I'll post some new photos. I feel like I can see a huge change since my pictures a month ago were posted, but I'll have to wait and see once I can put them side by side...

Things at work are starting to flow a little better with my new job. My replacement for my previous position started on Thursday, and she's a quick study, so I'm already feeling some of the burden of trying to manage both jobs at the same time being lifted. What a relief!

You know how you hear about food addictions transferring into another area, once a person has gastric bypass surgery? Well, I know my tendencies from previous attempts at weight loss, and one I knew would be a weakness is rearing its ugly head again. Even though I know this about myself, I still struggle... What is my issue, you ask??? SHOPPING!!! I have this overwhelming urge to spend money on clothes and jewelry, which are both really ridiculous. (The clothes, because I'm changing sizes so quickly, and I have a HUGE wardrobe of things I've saved from the last time I lost weight... The jewelry part because I can make my own, and it really is quite nice. (I'm wearing my own creations in most of my pictures.) Despite all of this, I can't help looking at new things. One of my goals is to really work on this and replace shopping with more exercise. Since I have a brand new treadmill now, there is no reason not to make the attempt. I'll report back on how that goes... If I still continue to struggle, I may find a new therapist to help me work through it. I've done that previously, and I think it's a very healthy thing to do for yourself. It doesn't make you a bad person - just one who recognizes there are personal areas that can use some refining. That's the beauty of life... We are all a work in progress!!!

Some Additional Pictures...

8-10-08 - Down 44 lbs.

Three Months Out & Down 75 lbs. (written on 10/14/08)

Three months ago I changed my life and my health forever. It has honestly been one of the best decisions I have ever made, and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. When I have those days (and sometimes weeks) where I feel discouraged that my weight loss is slow, all I have to do is step back and look at the bigger picture. How can I complain? I could never have done this on my own in such a short amount of time... I am soooo incredibly grateful to Dr. McKinlay for his tremendous ability to bless the lives of people like me. Life is much richer than it has been in so many years...

My New Job & Other Stuff (written on 10/8/08)

So I started my new job this week and have been at it for a whole 3 days now. I would have to say that I will definitely work for every last penny of my raise, judging by the rate of things so far. It will be more of a challenge, but I know I will enjoy it, once I'm up to speed and fully trained. Thank goodness my friend Sue, who I'm replacing, is just a cubicle away and is more than willing to help until I'm comfortable. I am so lucky to have her close by, or I know I would be very overwhelmed! I am also still trying to help wherever I can in my previous department until my replacement starts on the 16th next Thursday. I thought it would be a hard transition for me, but I really don't have time to sit and think about it (which is probably a good thing). Anyway, so far, so good...

As for the weight loss, things have been at a stand-still for about 2 weeks now, but based on past history, it should start dropping again soon. My plateaus seem to be about every 6 weeks and last for 2 weeks, so I'm about due for the scale to start moving again. I do know that my body is still changing, even when the scale doesn't move, so I have stopped worrying about it as much as I used to. My clothes are telling me this is the case, and that's good enough for me.Tonight I went to another monthly support group meeting at St. Mark's Hospital. Dr. Steven C. Simper was the speaker and had some really great insights on how to view personal accountability. Many times it's easy to make excuses for why we say we can't do certain things. When we say "I can't", what we're really saying is "I won't". If we think about that in terms of weight loss or exercise (or anything else in life), saying "I won't" puts more personal accountability back on us and helps us realize that we really are capable of doing more than we sometimes think we can do. For example, if I say "I can't exercise because I'm too tired", I'm really making a choice not to do so, even though I AM capable. One way to re-think the "I can't" response is to turn it into a positive, such as "I can't fail". I really appreciated this discussion and am going to work on these concepts in ways that they apply to me personally.

This past Saturday, Erwin and I went shopping at Sears. We bought a snow thrower and a treadmill. Last year was worse than usual in terms of snow in our area, so we want to be prepared when it starts up again soon. I'm most excited about the treadmill, though. It will be delivered on Saturday, and I can't wait to get back to walking again. I've been working much later these past several weeks, and it's dark by the time I get home. Now I will not have a reason for skipping my daily exercise, and that makes me happy. I feel so much more energized when I make that a regular activity. I was really enjoying my walks with Cody in the evenings, but soon it will be Winter and I'll have to do indoor activities exclusively, so I'm prepared now! The other nice thing about the treadmill we bought is that it has a fan and TV on the console - Erwin and I should be both comfortable and entertained while we exercise! (Erwin's planning to hook the TV up to the satellite, so I'm hoping he will be more likely to use it as well.)

8-1/2 Weeks Out - Down 60 lbs!!! (written on 9/11/08)

This number has been eluding me all week so far until this morning. I'm so excited! People at work have really started to notice a big change, and I've had lots of "aha" moments recently. I discovered I could cross my legs again at church on Sunday, which I haven't done in years. I've also stopped paying for pedicures, because I can actually sit on the ground and reach my own feet well enough to get the job done myself! Walking has really become something I look forward to, and it's been so nice in the evenings to get out and enjoy my neighborhood and visit with friends as I get my exercise in (plus my little Cody gets so excited when I take him out for a walk).

Last night I went to my monthly support group meeting at St. Mark's Hospital (where I had my surgery done). We had such a great speaker who is also a chef and has developed a cook book just for RNY patients, as he was one himself 5 years ago and lost 350 lbs. It was really informative, and he gave so many good ideas on how to make cooking more interesting, even when you aren't eating all that much, and also things the rest of the family would enjoy. I can't wait to try some of his recipes!!! (His name is Dick Stucki, and I believe he sells his cookbook on Amazon.com.) I also made some new friends and have signed up to participate on Saturday morning in a "Walk From Obesity" sponsored by local businesses participating in a Health and Safety Fair. I'm really looking forward to it, and hope the weather cooperates!

I have my 8 week post-op appointment with Dr. McKinlay this morning. Hopefully he is pleased with my progress. I'm guessing he will finally give me the OK to start taking my calcium citrate. He told me not to take it yet at my 2 week appointment - something to do with the possibility of developing kidney stones that soon after surgery. We'll see how it goes. I'm also curious if he'll talk about starting on iron supplements. I'll update later on...
Overall, I'm still doing great and would do this all over in a heartbeat. It has changed my life for the better, and I couldn't be more grateful.

7 Weeks Out and Feeling Amazing! (written on 9/1/08)

I am now down 56 pounds, and I can't believe how quickly time has flown since my surgery! I've been back to work for 4 weeks now, and have developed some good lifestyle habits - especially walking. I'm not as concerned if my husband doesn't find the absolute closest parking spot when we go to a store, and I've found success in being able to go out to eat and customizing my order to suit my new nutritional guidelines. I wear a pedometer every day, and try to improve the number of steps I walk by doing lots of little things I normally would have avoided in the past.

I went with my aunt and cousin to Sweet Tomatoes on Friday night (an all-you-can-eat soup and salad bar), which I thought would be a complete waste of money for me to do, but they asked to see my medical alert card (the first time I've used it), and only charged me the child's dinner price. I had a bowl of chili with cheese and some grape tomatoes, and called it a day. It was perfect! I also went to a Mexican restaurant (Los Hermanos) for dinner on Saturday with my aunt and hubby. I had about 3/4 of the insides of a chicken taco, along with some refried bean dip and a few corn tortilla chips. I wasn't sure if this would be such a good idea, but everything went down just fine. They key is to chew until it's mushy, and so far, this has served me well. I'm averaging about 700 calories a day now, but I think I should be careful not to do more than that for several more months.

I'm still walking as often as possible. Five times a week hasn't happened like I had hoped - we've had some rainy weather the last couple of days, and I didn't go prepared to use the treadmill after work like I should have. I'll do better this week...

Just to set the record straight that I am NOT immune from food issues... Either Tuesday or Wednesday night, I made a small quesadilla on a low carb wheat tortilla with some diced pieces of leftover chicken breast, colby jack cheese, and diced tomato. There were a few small pieces of chicken that didn't fit into the tiny tortilla, so I ate them cold while my dinner was cooking. I guess cold white meat chicken is especially dry, because after the first couple of bites of my dinner, I started having the worst pain from my little pouch, like everything was stuck. I thought I would just wait it out, but it started hurting more and more. I had never gotten sick and thrown up since surgery, but I knew this was the only thing that would allow me some relief, so up it came... I hate that I wasn't thinking, and that this was my only option to feel better, but I'm a quick learner and won't let that happen again... It really IS important to make sure your meat is a little moist before swallowing, no matter how good you chew.

Here are some new pictures:

YaHOOOOOooooooo.... (written on 8/30/08)

Goodbye to the 300's FOREVER!!! May we never meet again...

I'm Starting to "Get It" When it Comes to Exercise... (written on 8/23/08)

Well... A light bulb has finally turned on in my head (I guess I have a pretty thick skull). I have been slightly resistant to getting enough exercise in weeks past, but I'm starting to really see the benefits, and it makes me want to do it every day now. I've had such a lazy mind set in this regard for basically my entire adult life, but I think I've finally turned a corner.
This week, I've gotten on the treadmill for 20 minutes (Monday), and took a brisk walk with my dog Cody last night for 25 minutes around my neighborhood, and both times I've done this, I've seen the scale drop by 3 pounds the next morning. I think there's something to it! So... I am now vowing to do this 5 times a week at minimum. I can't believe how good I feel, and how much energy I have this morning, and I want to feel like this all the time now. Plus... I'M NOW DOWN 51 LBS!!!!!! Only 3 more, and I'll be under 300 FOREVER! Life is still great!

My Little Walking Buddy:

!

Mid-Week Update... (written on 8/20/08)

Woo Hoooooo... I finally saw the scale take a good size jump - 3 pounds since yesterday. My plateau is over!!! I'm now down exactly 48 lbs., and the 50 mark will hopefully happen before the week is over.
Life is great!

5 Weeks Since Surgery... (written on 8/17/08)

Since going back to work, I've definitely had less time to post as often, but I don't want to forget any part of this journey, so I'm going to try to do better this week. For the past week and a half I've been battling a plateau and major issues with “regularity”. I finally made an appointment with my PCP on Friday, and he suggested Miralax. Thank goodness - it worked! I kept seeing the scale creep up 1/2 lb. each day I couldn't go, and it was making me so mad! I always get in my 64 oz. of water, and I'm trying to walk as much as I can. Hopefully, this week will be more normal in that department.

As for everything else, things are great. I have tried lots of new foods, and have still not had any problems. I do make sure to chew everything until it's basically mush before swallowing, so I'm sure that really helps things go down smoothly. I'm getting 60-65 grams of protein every day, even if I have to drink a whey protein shake as an evening snack after 3 regular meals, but I'm hoping that will help with the eventual hair loss that is to come in a couple of months. I'm also taking 5,000 mcg of biotin in the hopes that it will help with the same thing. Only time will tell... I'm also continuing to track all of my nutrition content on www.my-calorie-counter.com, and I'm getting between 550 - 700 calories a day. I just need to increase my exercise a bit more still.

So far, I've tolerated all meats, which I hear not everyone is able to do, so I'm grateful for that. I've had roast beef, chicken, pork chops, turkey, deli ham, carnitas, ground beef, tuna, etc. (all prepared by me, so I can calculate the proper nutrition content and keep things as healthy as possible). Beef definitely takes the longest to eat, and requires twice as much chewing, so I probabIy won't eat it quite as often as the others - it's just so much work to get it mushy enough to swallow! I also tried a piece of low carb whole grain bread this weekend from Great Harvest (a local bread bakery), and was able to eat a 1/2 small turkey & swiss sandwich with lettuce, tomato and pickle. It was heavenly!!! I know it may be a bit soon to be introducing bread, but I was kind of desperate to find something with a little extra natural fiber, considering my recent predicament... I have wondered recently if my pouch is really only 2 oz., because I don't really feel full after eating that amount, and can tolerate a little more. I hope I'm not pushing things, but I do take a very long time to eat, so that may be part of it. I'm still only 5 weeks out, so I need to be careful not to overdo it.

I've noticed that I don't feel like I need Crystal Light or S/F Kool-Aid quite as much lately, even though I did more so in the begining. Plain water is tasting better than it did a couple of weeks ago, so I'm glad for that. I've also noticed in the past several days that I am all of a sudden able to drink water much faster than even last week, which makes me happy. It used to be so incredibly hard to get in my full 64 oz., but I'd force myself to do it every day anyway. Now, it's not as big of a deal to do, and I can actually drink a 16.9 oz. bottle in 30 minutes, as opposed to 2 hours. It definitely makes it a lot easier to time meals at more normal intervals.

The other exciting thing is that I'm officially out of the size 30's, even though I've continued to wear them lately because they're loose and comfy. I can very easily button and zip a size 26/28 pair of jeans without a problem, and have even tried a couple of 24's with some success, depending on the cut. The only obstacle is my big tummy, but my top half is really starting to show some thinning. It's such an exciting process! Once I get on a more regular schedule of going to the gym at work, I'm sure it will speed things up a bit more. Even though I've lost 44 lbs so far, only 23 of it has been since surgery. That doesn't seem like a lot for 5 weeks out, but a nearly 2 week plateau can really slow things down. Hopefully, things will start moving more steadily this week...

I Survived My 1st Week Back to Work... (written on 8/10/08)

Well, my first full week back to work was something else... My boss had saved a giant project just for ME, and I worked 10-12 hour days all week long! THANK GOODNESS I was up for the challenge and feeling good, because it could have easily been a disaster. (I sure hope this coming week is a little less stressful, cuz that was a heck of a week to return to!) I didn't realize just how tired I was, until I slept most of the day on Saturday, sitting in my recliner!

As for the weight loss, it was kind of a slow week watching the scale, but then again, I hadn't quite had enough fiber either, so things were just not "moving" like normal. I just kind of chalked it up to that, because I was so stressed about work stuff, and didn't pay as much attention to all of those minor (major) details. I finally saw a small drop on Saturday... I also had some fun last week going through old clothes I had boxed up quite a while ago, and found lots of things I had long since forgotten, but are still really cute and now fit. I also ordered a handful of new skirts and pants off of eBay at pretty low prices, so I won't feel too guilty when they get too big and I can't use them anymore. I have plenty of tops to last me until I'm a size 14, but I needed some things for work for my bottom half, since I don't buy many of those items. I am completely amazed at the sheer volume of clothes I have - it's actually pretty ridiculous, to be perfectly honest. What I will love most is saying goodbye to the bigger sizes forever, once they're too big. No more hanging onto the big stuff "just in case" I ever need them again, because this time, it won't be happening.