ANYTHING Is Possible
When we consider all the roads we walk through in life, how do we determine which roads are the most important to travel down? Also, are we always able to choose the roads we traverse? There are roads that lead to successful careers, families, and health, and there are roads that lead to trials, pain, and failure. At any given time we can make choices to experience any and all of these; at other times, events or situations occur that force us down paths that we may or may not want to encounter. How we survive or conquer these triumphs and failures can be summed up in a single word… character! I will relate a short story that sums up this truth.
There once was a wise Indian chief who had a young, inquisitive daughter. The young daughtersat down with her father and recounted a repetitive dream she had been having. In the dream, there were always two wild wolves that fought. In the young girl’s dream, the fighting was so bitter that she never stayed asleep long enough to see who won. She also stated that one wolf was good and the other was bad. This is how the wise chief interpreted her dream: “Within each of us there lives two wolves. One represents peace, joy, happiness, and love; the other represents doubt, fear, hate, misery and selfishness. Each day these wolves fight within us.” Then the young girl asked a simple, yet poignant question. She asked, “Which wolf will win the fight?” The wise chief’s answer was short and simple. The reply was, “Whichever wolf you feed the most.” I preface my thoughts with this story because the road I decided to take that led away from obesity to a healthier, more fulfilling life, was more about the “wolves” that I fed within me, rather than the foodthat I put in my mouth.
When I was in high school, I remember a sign that was displayed in one of my teacher’s classrooms. It read, “Character is what you do when nobody is watching.” As I think about this truism, I digress back to my “character” as a morbidly obese man weighing 400 pounds less than a year ago. As an obese man, here is what I would do when no one was looking:
I would order two meals at a drive-thru and order an extra drink that I didn’t need, just to make it appear that the second meal was for someone else. I would completely shirk all chores and caring for our kids because I had no energy to move. I would be consumed with thoughts that I was a failure and was worthless. In retrospect, the only thing I did when nobody was watching was eat and feel terrible on the inside. Every week I would try to convince myself that Monday was right around the corner and I would start my diet then. Well, between the time I was 17 years old, standing 6’2” tall and weighing 215 pounds, to the day less than a year ago when I weighed 400 pounds at 33 years old, 832 Mondays came and went, and less than 32 of those Mondays were days where I was actually dieting. I believe I ate for comfort, I ate because I absolutely loved food, but most of all, I would eat because that’s what I did best. My daily caloric intake was somewhere between 5000 - 6000 calories with little to no daily exercise or physicalactivity and my 56 inch waist and size 5XL were proof enough.
I honestly believe the mental and emotional anguish that accompanies obesity is far more difficult to deal with than the co-morbidities and physical downsides to being obese. Anyone can take a blood pressure pill, diabetes pill, or cholesterol medication in the privacy of their own home. Also, those who suffer from sleep apnea can wear a CPAP machine without anyone ever knowing about it. But, there is no hiding obesity and this fact continually lowered my self-esteem. A few years back, I went into a colleague’s office to seek his advice on a matter. I was invited to sit down and instantly snapped his chair in two, then fell to the floor. I work with the youth at church and accompanied 40 kids, along with other adult leaders, to an amusement park as an outing, where I was kicked off every ride because I did not fit. I remember going to a clothing store to buy a suit, and when they told me they no longer carried a size that would fit me, and that a size 22 dress shirt no longer fit, I hit an emotional low. Having to deal with the fact that I had to buy a bigger, more expensive car than I wanted and could afford because I did not fit into “regular” size cars weighed heavily on me. Beyond all of these things, the day my wife told me she felt like a single mom because I had no energy and ambition to help out with the kids, is the day I really had to question what road I was taking in my life. If I wanted to eat myself into a grave, that’s fine, but when I have a wife and two wonderful kids depending on me, I needed to choose a better road. As much as I loved food, the reality was that I loved my family so much more, and I needed to prove it.
Realizing that I had failed at every diet attempt I ever undertook, I needed a more permanent solution than just a “fad.” My older brother, Jeff, enjoyed great success with gastric bypass surgery a couple of years ago - an option I really hadn’t considered until I was hit between my eyes with reality. I did some research on the surgery and different surgeons in my area, and out of curiosity, attended a Bariatric Surgery Symposium, conducted by Dr. David Kim. His approach to weight loss surgery was so positive and reassuring; I immediately made the decision that he was the doctor I would entrust my life with. His pre-op and post-op protocol far surpasses what I have heard is the “norm” in the world of bariatric surgery, and I really appreciated the fact that he did not pressure me or persuade me into having one particular surgery over another. I made the decision to have laparoscopic gastric bypass surgery after also considering vertical sleeve gastrectomy, lapband, and duodenal switch, and on January 14, 2008, had my surgery completed.
I consider January 14th the day I was given a second shot at living life again. This has been the best decision I have ever made for my health, and I would do it over in a heartbeat, if the hands of time were turned back. Speaking of time, we will never be able to regain or relive the things we have missed out on, but we can make the decision, right now, to live life and do all those things that perhaps some people, including ourselves, never thought we would be able to do.
Now, over 1 year post-op, I have lost 195 pounds. A lot of people lose a tremendous amount of weight in a very short period of time with gastric bypass, but I guess just losing weight was not enough for me. At eight months post-op, I competed in my first Sprint Triathlon, which consisted of a 300 meter swim, 16 mile bike ride, and 3.1 mile run. A month later, I competed in another triathlon and improved my time by more than 20 minutes. I ran a 5K and 10K on Thanksgiving morning, and on my exact 11 month surgery anniversary, completed a 26.2 mile Marathon in well under 5 hours. I work out six days a week and swim 8-10 miles, cycle 125-150 miles, and run 40-50 miles each week. I am currently registered for another 26.2 mile marathon, 4 x 70.3 mile Half Iron man Triathlons, and a full 140.6 mile Iron man in August 2009. An Iron man consists of a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile ride, followed by a 26.2 mile run… Finish in under 17 hours, and you earn the right to be called an Iron man. A full day of pain and struggle, leads to a lifetime of pride and sense of accomplishment. With all of my training and hours spent away from my family in the early hours of the mornings and weekends, many people, including my wife, have asked me why I do all of this. To her, my friends, and to you, I give you the answer. BECAUSE I CAN! I would never have had gastric bypass surgery unless I believed I could successfully lose weight. I would never register for a marathon or triathlon unless I believed I could finish. I will never doubt myself again! The most liberating thing that I have experienced as a result of weight loss surgery is a sense of empowerment and a firm belief that I, and anyone, CAN accomplish anything we set our minds to, so long as we put in the effort and make the conscious decision to change our lifestyles forever!
A wise man once told me that whether I believe I could or could not do something, I was right. My message to you, my friends, my family, and all those considering weight loss surgery, is to truly believe that anything is possible. I am living proof that someone can go from 400 pounds to what is considered an elite athlete in less than a year. Always remember, character IS what you do when no one is watching. In life there are three types of people… There are people who make things happen, there are those who watch things happen, and finally, there are those who say, “what happened?” May this be the day we all make things happen and take the necessary steps to feed the “Good Wolves“ inside of us that will eventually lead to our own success, happiness, fulfillment, peace, and a renewed sense of incredible selfworth.
-Dan Benintendi
www.trimywill.com
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